My Family

I don’t look at my recent solo climb of the Black Ice Couloir in Grand Teton National Park as “taking risk.” I look at it as going home or touching the wildness in me that I tend to lose when I am out of the mountains for long. It was also simply returning to one of the most magical places I know on the planet, the west side of the Grand Teton, alone. I have been there many times alone, but not for a long, long time…so long in fact that I don’t remember the last time I was there, but I would guess 12 years.

On the Valhalla Traverse, Grand Teton National Park, Wyoming Photo: Stephen Koch

This climb was pivotal for me for another reason. I had not soloed a significant climb (technically challenging or big alpine route with exposure and objective dangers…Black Ice being the latter for me) since becoming a father to my young son, Axl, who is nearly 3 and a half years old. I wanted to experience the thrill of pushing against my comfort zone, having forgotten exactly where it is. I quickly learned where it was in regards to changing diapers! I am not speaking of the typical “thrill seeker” rush, but the thrill of moving alone in an alpine world that was once so familiar to me. The thrill of moving fast over technical terrain. The thrill of sharing what I was experiencing, and IN REAL TIME, with people through my Blog, Facebook and Twitter updates (here), the thrill of recording “How To” climbing tips (coming soon) while in the crux of the route, the thrill of choosing the fastest and safest line and doing it without a rope, the thrill of knowing an error would likely be fatal, the thrill of putting myself in a situation where I am master and I answer to the laws of nature for my actions. I felt completely empowered during this climb, as with all climbs, in a way that I am unable to duplicate outside of the mountains.

Ice climbing in the Tetons

To reduce some of my anxiety (at the expense of my body by carrying the extra weight) I brought a rope, small rock rack and harness, in addition to my ice axes, crampons and helmet. If I felt like I needed to belay (protect) a section I had the gear to do so. If I wanted to rappel (out of the climb) because of discomfort, I could have done it (not easily though!). If I needed to do a self rescue or clip into an anchor if I was hit by a stone, I had the gear to do it. Does this guarantee success? Absolutely not. Does this guarantee safety? Absolutely not. Does this guarantee anything at all? No. What it did do was make taking the risk on this climb more reasonable. Did I believe there was much chance I would fall? Absolutely not. I solo in a way that is very controlled. Is there a chance that I COULD fall? Yes. It wouldn’t be climbing without this risk or unknown. This risk and unknown is precisely why climbing is so magical! No guaranteed outcomes here! If you want that, check your local listings…

Stoked to discover the Black Ice Couloir is Back (in)! Photo: Stephen Koch

Self exploration and expression through danger has been part of my DNA since I was a small boy. Through my move to Jackson Hole 22 years ago (to take a year off before college), I found a wonderful new outlet for my energy and desire. That outlet was snowboarding. Not long after I began snowboarding, my eyes were drawn to high lines on mountains I knew I had the talent to snowboard but not the ability to climb. That is when I found a mentor, someone willing to hold my hand as I stumbled forward into the exciting unknown of the alpine world. That person was Tom Turiano, local guidebook author of Teton Skiing and Select Peaks Of Greater Yellowstone. Tom not only showed me the ropes, he did much more than that by demonstrating great patience as I continued to enthusiastically and at times naively clamor for more. I rode on his coattails for my first season in the high Tetons. The year was 1989 and the Middle, Grand and South Tetons felt the wonderfully ephemeral touch of a snowboard for the first time. After a season in Chamonix I returned to the Tetons with a new set of eyes and set about challenging myself on eventual Teton Classics with a vengeance.

Working a stem and the camera phone on the crux of the Black Ice Couloir, Grand Teton National Park, WY Photo Copyright - Stephen Koch

In regard to the risks involved with my passions, alpine, rock, ice and mixed climbing as well as snowboard mountaineering, as a father and husband, I say this: to follow my heart, which is to participate in these activities, and in this instance, to solo the Black Ice Couloir, brings me closer to my self and to my family. By living my truth I honor my family. When I return from the mountains I am calmer, more at peace, more tolerant of both myself and others, more my true self, temporarily shed of insecurities built while in the valley. My family experiences a happier and more pleasant husband and father. If I die in the mountains, my wife and son will have known the real me, not some pretend father. I will not pretend it is better to stay out of the mountains and away from danger because I am a father and husband. This is a judgment left up to the individual.

Fun in the sun after the ascent. Photo copyright- Stephen Koch

Staying out of the mountains would be suicide for my soul. The numerous times I have been forced to stay out through injury have been torturous. As I envision going down that path, I see my family experiencing a man devoid of his essence. Bitterness and resentment towards them would grow like a weed. I am the climber and risk taker my wife chose to be with. The risks I take, to me, are reasonable. I train my body through working out at Mountain Athlete and by doing and teaching the many wonderful activities in and around Jackson Hole that make my home special…mountain biking, rock climbing, backcountry snowboarding, hiking, rafting, lake and river swimming, hot spring soaking and on and on. I train my mind through both meditation and physical suffering.

Safe and Happy at the Upper Saddle of the Grand Teton after the climb! Photo Copyright - Stephen Koch

This time it was the Black Ice Couloir, next time where will it be? I am open and excited to discover and choose what’s next! Oh yea, one other thing, I am so well trained that I did the dishes before departing on this adventure!

Smoke that gave me black lung from running down during my 9 hour 45 minute solo of the Black Ice Couloir. 15 minutes faster than when I was a "kid!" Photo Copyright - Stephen Koch